Poisoned wine: Intellectually considering the possibility

In regards to Water vs. Wine for the sacrament (D&C 27:1-2) what do you think the likelihood is that someone actually poisoned wine?

I’ve tried to picture this whenever it is brought up in Sunday School.

Imagine that you own a wine shop and that you, or one of your patrons, want to kill all the mormons. Poisoning the sacrament wine at first makes sense, since they’d all take it and die.

But now you’ve got to figure out which bottle of wine Joseph is going to buy. Did Joseph always buy the same brand/type? Did he always go for the cheap stuff?

Now you’ve got to get the poison into a sealed bottle of wine, without breaking the seal, unless they are just corked bottles out on the west, which they might have been.

Now imagine that all the mormons drop dead just after drinking wine. Who are the police/authorities going to look at as the murderer? There will be plenty of irate family members going for vengeance.

Now imagine that Joseph gets the revelation and turns around… some shop owner has a poisoned bottle of wine on his shelves.

Some alternatives:

Couldn’t the Lord have directed him to another wine shop in another town, or even to select a different bottle?

Occam’s Razor: Isn’t a simpler explanation that Joseph blew the money for the sacrament wine on something else, or drank the wine, or didn’t want to make the full trip or whatever and then “revealed” that water would work as well?

It just seems bizarrely easy to trace if you have a store and sell poisoned wine to customers.

Posted in Early Church History (1800s), Humor and wit, Word of Wisdom | 2 Comments

Joseph Smith, Orson and Sarah Pratt- A timeline

26 April, 1831 – Orson Pratt Ordained an Elder by Joseph Smith, Jr.’s own hand[1]

April 1831 – Mission to Colesville, New York. Several other missions to New York, Ohio, Missouri, and the Eastern States[2]

2 February, 1832 – Ordained a High Priest by Sidney Rigdon and as a High Priest he continued his missions, preaching in Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, and Massachusetts[3]

26 April, 1835 – Ordained a member of the Quorum of the 12[4]

1839 – 1841 – Orson Pratt served mission to British Isles. Produced tract “An Interesting Account of Several Remarkable Visions.” 14 Articles of Faith included[5]

27 October, 1841 – Prescindia’s twenty-year-old sister, Zina, was living in the Joseph Smith home when Elder Henry B. Jacobs married her in March 1841. Joseph: “the Lord had made it known to him that [Zina] was to be his Celestial wife” (Ora J. Cannon. History of Henry Bailey Jacobs. p. 5-7; also see Mary Brown Firmage. Recollections of Zina D. Young)

11 December, 1841 – Prescindia D. Huntington, a faithful Mormon and married woman in Nauvoo, was also a polyandrous wife of Joseph Smith. Prescindia married Norman Buell in 1827. Had 2 sons prior to joining in 1836 (Richard S. Van Wagoner. Mormon Polygamy[6]: A History. p. 44; Fawn Brodie. No Man Knows My History. p. 301-302, 437-39)

Summer 1841 – “Shortly after Heber’s return from England, he was introduced to the doctrine of plural marriage directly through a startling test… Joseph demanded for himself what to Heber was the unthinkable, his [wife] Vilate. Totally crushed spiritually and emotionally, Heber touched neither food nor water for three days and three nights. Heber took Vilate to Joseph. The Prophet wept at this act of faith, devotion, and obedience. Joseph had never intended to take Vilate. It was all a test” (Biography of Heber C. Kimball; Heber C. Kimball, Mormon Patriarch and Pioneer[7])

Early 1842 – Sarah M. Kimball [Helen Mar Kimball’s mother], a prominent Nauvoo and Salt Lake City Relief Society leader, was also approached by the Prophet in early 1842 despite her solid 1840 marriage to Hiram Kimball (Elder Andrew Jensen. (1887). LDS Biographical Encyclopedia. 6:232)

February 1842 – Mary Elizabeth Rollins, already married to non-Mormon Adam Lightner since 11 August 1835, was one of the first women to accept a polyandrous proposal from Joseph Smith. “He was commanded to take me for a wife” (Lightner, Mary E. Statement[8]. 8 Feb. 1902; Lightner to Emmeline B. Wells, 21 Nov. 1880; Lightner to John R. Young, 25 Jan. 1892. George A. Smith Papers. Special Collections. University of Utah)

April 1842 – Marinda Nancy Johnson, sister of Apostles Luke and Lyman Johnson, married Orson Hyde in 1834. Before Hyde returned from Jerusalem in 1843, Marinda was sealed to Joseph Smith.  (Andrew Jenson. Church Chronology. August 6, 1844, Nauvoo Sealing Records)

11 May, 1842 – Church leaders announce that John C. Bennett will be disfellowshipped. Orson Pratt refuses to sign the announcement. Pratt’s wife, Sarah, had accused Joseph Smith of trying to seduce her. Joseph had accused John C. Bennett of being the one involved with Sarah Pratt[9]

17 June, 1842 – Heber C. Kimball writes to Parley P. Pratt: “We have organized a Lodge here of Masons since we obtained a Charter. That was in Mar. Since that thare was near two hundred been made masons. Br. Joseph and Sidny [Ridgon] was the first that was Received into the Lodg. All of the twelve apostles have become members Except Orson Pratt. He hangs back” (Letter from Heber C. Kimball to Parley P. Pratt, 17 June 1842). http://scottwoodward.org/masonry.html[10] (I can’t help but wonder if Orson’s wife was selected to be taken because Orson was not a mason and did not join in on the secret activities of The Order)

14 July, 1842 – In a public speech, Joseph Smith calls Orson Pratt’s wife, Sarah, “A whore from her mother’s breast” (The Sangamo Journal. July 29, 1842[11]). This entry is from an anti-mormon newspaper, and is the only source of this statement, however one must question whether all sources are lies simply because they are not in favor of mormonism.  On the same day:

Regardless of whether he said the exact words “Whore” and “Mother’s breast”, it is clear that Joseph pushed in a way that lead Orson to be very distraught over the situation of his wife claiming that Joseph had proposed to her, and refusing to accept that it was Bennett who had, instead.

15 July, 1842 – Thousands of Nauvoo Mormons search for Orson Pratt after discovering a suicide note[14]

  • On this same day: The ST. LOUIS BULLETIN publishes Martha Brotherton’s account of her invitation to enter into polygamy in Nauvoo with Brigham Young (St. Louis Bulletin, July 15, 1842, p. 2)[15]
  • Joseph Smith Journal: “It was reported early in the morning that Elder Orson Pratt was missing. I caused the Temple hands and the principle men of the city to make a search for him. After which a meeting was called at the Grove, and I gave the public a general outline of John C. Bennett’s conduct” (LDS History of the Church 5: 60–61)

17 July, 1842 – Brigham Young writes to Parley P. Pratt concerning his brother, Orson Pratt (Apostle Jebediah M. Grant. March 23, 1856. Sunday Tabernacle Discourse, Journal History quoting the letter)

  • THE WASP EXTRA, a Nauvoo newspaper, accuses John C. Bennett of “adultery, fornication, embryo infanticide and buggery . . .”

21 July, 1842 – Wilford Woodruff[16] writes: “There was a Counsel of the Twelve held for four days with Elder Orson Pratt to labour with him to get him to recall his sayings against Joseph & The Twelve.” This is cited even on the mormon wiki page[17] but the journal entry published online only discusses Bennett.  The full exchange is reprinted in CONFLICT IN THE QUORUM: ORSON PRATT, BRIGHAM YOUNG, JOSEPH SMITH[18]

29 July, 1842 – Scandal printed in SANGAMO JOURNAL: “We do not know what course will be pursued by Mr. [Orson] Pratt. If he sinks under the denunciations and schemes of Joe Smith- if he fails to defend the reputation of himself and of the woman he has vowed to protect before high heaven…” (full text transcribed[19])

1 August, 1842 – Times and Seasons 3 : 868–878[20] publishes affidavits that Sarah Pratt is lying and had an affair with Bennett.  Also discusses Nancy Rigdon.

20 August, 1842 – Orson Pratt excommunicated for insubordination, Sarah Pratt for adultery. This removed Pratt (And Hyde, both of the Orsons) from their seniority status (Bergera, Gary James. (1992). Seniority in the Twelve: The 1875 Realignment of Orson Pratt[21]. Journal of Mormon History 18 (1): 19–58)

1 October, 1842 – Times and Seasons 3 :939–940[22] publishes affidavits that Sarah Pratt lied and had an affair with Bennett

20 January, 1843 – Pratt reinstated to the Quorum of the 12[24]

27 July, 1843 – “I according to Pres. Joseph Smith & council & others, I agreed to stand by Sarah Ann Whitney [sealed to Smith 27 July 1843] as though I was supposed to be her husband and a pretended marriage for the purpose of shielding them from the enemy and for the purpose of bringing out the purposes of God” (Elder Joseph Kingsbury, “History of Joseph Kingsbury Written by His Own Hand[25],” page 5, Utah State Historical Society)  Curiously FAIR has a rebuttal here for this account, but the link does not discuss Kingsbury’s testimony at all.

1 Jan 1844William Law is first told of Polygamy by Hyrum, according to his diary entry for that day[26]

13 May, 1844 – Entry in William Law’s diary that Joseph proposed to his wife Jane: “He [Joseph] has lately endeavored to seduce my wife and has found her a virtuous woman.” (entry was crossed out later, no reason given) (William Law, Cited in Lyndon Cook, William Law, Orem, Utah: Grandin Book Co., 1994, 53)  Cited by apologists here[27]

1886 – Sarah Pratt[28] claimed in an interview that, while in Nauvoo, Illinois, Joseph Smith, Jr. was attracted to her and intended to make her “one of his spiritual wives” while Orson was in England on missionary service

19 February, 1854 – Apostle Jedediah M. Grant, second counselor to Brigham Young and father of President Heber J. Grant, sermon addressing Joseph asking men for their wives. Posted here[29]

1 November, 1890 – Prophet Wilford Woodruff, John Mills Whitaker Journal: “The Prophet went to the home of President Taylor, and said to him, ‘Brother John, I WANT LEONORA,’ ‘If GOD wants Leonora He can have her..’. ‘I don’t want your wife, I just wanted to know just where you stood'” Van Wagner: Mormon Polygamy page 44 [30]

Posted in Polygamy, Timelines | 1 Comment

Jesus Christ, Superhero

Today we’re going to follow up on an adult institute class. Remember, this isn’t for primary kids, this is for accountants, janitors, and CEOs to all meet together after hours and study scriptures.

This one is taught by this guy, who will take you to the holy land on a trip if you are wealthy enough, and show you amazing things about where Christ walked.

All around, he’s a decent guy, but he does like to sell things that should make the average person say, “Wait, what?” as totally plausible.

We’ve already discussed how having blood come out of a pore would require about a teaspoon of blood, and that if one bleeds out of every pore, you have to have thousands of gallons of blood come out. Also, pore-bleeding is a condition that should be immediately treated by a doctor unless one is about to be crucified, in which case, I guess pore-bleeding isn’t really the largest of concerns.

Which brings us to Christ’s first superpower. He must be able to spontaneously generate blood. Lots of it. Which probably means the Catholic church is true as spontaneous blood generation, called stigmata, is pretty key to their beliefs.

But then, after losing more blood than any person has by thousands of gallons (average human has 8 pints of blood), Jesus walked 5 miles.

 

Jesus walked 5 miles, and he would walk 5 more, just to be the man who walked 10 miles to fall down at Pilate’s door.
(Click image for full size)

See that note up in the corner? Yeah, that’s something that Jeff Chadwick actually taught, and the student thought it noteworthy. Simply going from Caiaphus to Pilate to Herod. This is someone who has been to Jerusalem and actually measured the real distances.

So Jesus has super stamina. I wonder if they did this with all prisoners who had extreme blood loss?

Here’s the kicker. Remember how they whip him and put the crown of thorns on his head, and then he tries to carry the cross? He can’t do it, right, someone has to help him (My name is Judah, Judah Ben Hur… I was once Moses, and pry the gun from my cold, dead hands).

So Jesus has super stamina and spontaneous blood generation, BUT it is not infinite, because by the time it comes to the cross, he requires mortal assistance.

Not that Mr. Chadwick pointed this out. He simply remarked on the difficulty of our poor savior in having to walk so far rather than apply any thought process to how this clearly illustrates that Jesus needed to meditate on his spells for blood generation and stamina that morning, or else the DM wouldn’t let him cast the spell when it came to the cross.

Ah well, maybe the DM will let him play a different class in the next game. I hear he bought a new Deity module, that trumps the demi-god rules in the original edition.

Posted in Humor and wit | Leave a comment

A key that will never rust – appears a bit rusty upon closer inspection

One of the ways church members are encouraged to know and avoid apostasy is by following the majority of the twelve apostles. This is stated over and over in church periodicals via a quote by Joseph Smith:

“I will give you a key that will never rust — if you will stay with the majority of the Twelve Apostles, and the records of the Church, you will never be led astray.”

All of them cite each other down to a root source in: “Young Woman’s Journal, XVII. (December 1906). pp. 542-543.”

This source is a statement by William G. Nelson. Now, please tell me who William G. Nelson was and why what he claims the prophet said or did not say should have any bearing on the broad membership of the church? Anyone? Anyone?

Never mind that this particular journal doesn’t seem to exist in the archives available to the public[1](September is the last one available for 1906, nothing published in December from what I can find, but maybe it’s just locked up in an archive somewhere), the focus should be that this quote comes from 1906. That’s 54 years after the death of Joseph Smith, with no contemporary sources WHATSOEVER.

There is one other quote, also in a journal for children: ““I heard the Prophet Joseph say he would give the Saints a key whereby they would never be led away or deceived, and that was: the Lord would never suffer the majority of this people to be led away or deceived by imposters, nor would he allow the records of this Church to fall into the hands of the enemy” (Improvement Era 5. January 1902. p. 202).

That’s 1902. It took 50+ years for both of these quotes to surface, and they surface about the same time when the reorganized church made it’s bid to be the true church on earth. That hardly takes a scientist or a historian to see that these are more likely fabrications to support the LDS position than actual historical recollections.

50+ years! That’s after Brigham has been in charge and died. That’s after John Taylor. We’re talking about people who have been following and deciding on apostles as the way to go for half a century suddenly making a quote, pretty much out of no-where, to support their previously-held positions.

If exmormons were head to such standards, the church would have ended long ago. No apologist would sit still for such a pathetic self-referenced quote so long after the fact being taken as any evidence at all. There would be FAIRLDS pages for days decrying the methodology and blatant skewing of history by exmormons.

Yet here it stands in the following Church approved sources:

Beware the bitter fruits of apostasy (beware the fruits of hypocracy probably would have been a better subject for members)[2]

James E. Faust Talk[3]

Joseph Smith Manual lesson on Apostasy mentions it.

Family counseling manual about deception… ouch![4]

2009 Relief Society lesson on apostasy[5]

It’s time for apologists to turn their methods inwardly and cleanse their inner vessel. It’s time to really look at their own church’s methods, to realize how shoddy their research and efforts are, and to demand as much accuracy, truthful reporting, and well sourced foot notes from themselves as they demand of the non-member, the exmormon and the anti-mormon.

The full quote:

“In one meeting I heard him say: ‘I will give you a key that will never rust,—if you will stay with the majority of the Twelve Apostles, and the records of the Church, you will never be led astray.”

Yes, if the apostles turn away from the records of the church, hide them in vaults, ignore them, have apologists cover over their history on their behalf, etc… well, I’ll let you figure out the rest.

Just shameful.

Posted in Correlation, Early Church History (1800s) | 1 Comment

Willingly because we hafta – A new look at Old Nauvoo

Thoughts at Nauvoo: There is a play that the senior missionaries put on named “Rendevouz.” In that play, there is a song named, “Willingly, because we hafta,” in which the men hold prop rifles and sing about how they won’t fight, but they’ll pack up and go to the Rocky Mountains “willingly, because we hafta.”

The thought struck me that this is a great description of just about anything in the church. Will you serve in the Nursery? Yes, willingly, because I hafta, or else I wouldn’t be faithful. Will you pay your tithing? Willingly, because I hafta, or I can’t see my kid get married in the temple.                                                                                                                                      Will you remain chaste? Willingly, because I hafta, or else I’ll be one of the vilest of sinners.

I think it would look good on a T-shirt. Of course, the song shifts at the end to “Willingly, because we want to,” the ideal change for mormons where they don’t just do it out of duty, but out of love and a desire to align their wills to God’s.

Brigham: Another thing I noticed was that Brigham was mentioned everywhere. He was mentioned as knowing what to do, as being a confident leader, and being the Prophet’s truest friend. Sidney was only mentioned in connection to stirring up mobs that would kill them, and John C. Bennett, the man the Prophet referred to as his closest friend, was not mentioned.

Emma: Everywhere they had the opportunity, “Emma and Joseph” were mentioned together, basically ignoring and whitewashing polygamy. The Re-org church denied polygamy until they were forced to accept it and reduced Joseph to “a man with a spiritual experience.” Is mainstream mormonism on the same path?

Forced Testimonies: At each of the historical cites, they gave some cool information as to what it was like to be a candle maker or a wheelwright in that day and age. However, along with the historical information, it was clear that the card had a “work your testimony in here” line, as each person would try to force a line about how candle making or adding spokes to a wheel related to the gospel. Correlation at its worst.

Tattletales: At the Liberty Jail in Missouri, one of my children asked the guide why Joseph was put in prison. The guide replied “Tattletales.” On my way out my wide-eyed daughters were aghast that tattletales could cause that. I explained that there were two men who signed a document stating that the church had burned down a store, driven people from their homes, and taken the people’s stuff.

The two men were apostles. They were concerned that people were getting out of control. They were more than “tattletales,” they were concerned citizens.

Anyway, those are some of my initial thoughts.

Posted in Correlation, Early Church History (1800s) | 5 Comments

The old 6 standard missionary discussions

Missionary Discussion Action Guide

Posted in 6 nonstandard discussions | 3 Comments

History of Mormons and Masturbation

Paper about masturbation in mormonism[1]

Below are select highlights from the above article with my own commentary.

1920s – 1930s manuals did not forbid masturbation, just over masturbation.

From the article:

Official church manuals endorsed secular books about sexuality and suggested that sexual interests be guided rather than inhibited. During this time masturbation did not always carry the same onus that it does in the popular Mormon literature of today. Rather than focusing on abstinence supervision as is practiced today with current church youth interviewing policies, lessons instead warned parents that they could create emotional problems in their adolescents by an “unintelligent” over response to their masturbation (Bush, 1993)…

Prior to the 1950s the sparse church literature specifically mentioning masturbation generally agreed with moderate views of secular medical authorities.

Early church beliefs/records.

These records offer no indication of any official ‘prophetic’ or ‘revelatory’ church statements on the issue, but rather that masturbation became a topic of concern and discussion in private top leadership councils.

When the Boy Scouts were founded, one of the major dangers boys were warned to avoid was masturbation.

Very interesting indeed.

“That fear was even used by some to justify polygamy, at least in the twentieth century, when some fundamentalist Mormons still taught that any loss of semen in men was hazardous and dangerous.”

[Joseph] Smith chose not to speak on the subject at all and early church members’ questions were left to be answered by popular secular or medical opinion.”

“Brigham Young finally went public with the secret plural wife doctrine in the 1850s in Salt Lake City, but even then, he still said nothing about masturbation.

“In fact, the literature of Mormonism appears to be entirely absent of any statements on the topic at all until the late nineteenth century.

“During Brigham Young’s day, Mormons were unabashed and outspoken in discussing sexual health and morality issues such as adultery, fornication, and prostitution in print. For the first pioneer Mormons however, the question of masturbation was never discussed in the church press and the Mormon prophets took no official doctrinal position. No known early Mormon doctrinal statements from this period exist specifically on the topic.”

Earliest quotes I can find about masturbation.

18 June,1870 – First Counselor George A. Smith tells Salt Lake School of Prophets about “the evil of masturbation” among Utah Mormons. Apostle Lorenzo Snow says that “plural marriage would tend to diminish the evil of self pollution and the indulgence on the part of men was less in plural marriage than in monogamy.”

— ibid

The following year, the 1871 School of the Prophets minutes recorded Apostle Daniel Wells as stating, “a great many of our young men [are] abusing themselves by the habit of self pollution.” He regarded this as “one great cause of why so many of our young men were not married, and it was a great sin, and would lead to insanity and a premature grave” (p. 767).

–ibid (Sourced from D. Michael Quinn’s extensions of power)

1883 meeting of the LDS First Presidency with stake presidents who received special instructions about “Masturbation … self-pollution of both sexes and excessive indulgence in the married relation” (p. 782).

In 1886, the polygamous leader of Salt Lake City’s Fourteenth Ward, Bishop Thomas Taylor, “was excommunicated for masturbating with several young men in southern Utah” (O’Donovan, 1994, p.135).

“The practice of masturbation was indulged in by many young people in church schools. Pres. Smith remarked that this was a most damnable and pernicious practice, and the face of every apostle, president of a stake, and high council should be set as flint against it. The priesthood should be called together at the stake conferences and the brethren and parents should be instructed and warned in relation to this matter” (Mormon Apostle Rudger Clawson, 1902).

The church was also late to the game on masturbation, learning from science that it was not harmful and then setting policy.

In time, twentieth-century medical thinking abandoned the false theoretical concept of masturbatory insanity. Bush notes that the church also revised its opinion. He states: “Eventually an official instructional manual for adult Mormons on a variety of health issues spoke forthrightly of ‘the pernicious fallacy that insanity is the result of excessive masturbation. The facts do not support any such view” (Bush, 1993: 148).

But some men did not believe what was being taught.

In October 1953, [B.Y.U.] President Wilkinson, alarmed at the implications of Alfred Kinsey’s reports on male and female sexual behavior, appointed a faculty committee to determine if the school’s sex education program was providing a strong defense of chastity… at least two faculty committees were appointed to address the “Masturbation Problem” (Bergera & Priddis, 1985, p.81).

Petting is indecent and sinful, and the person who attempts to pet with you is himself both indecent and sinful and is likewise lustful… Is that what you want? Will you not remember that in the category of crime, God says sex sin is next to murder? (Apostle Mark E. Petersen, General Conference, 3 October 1956).

To keep the Children of Israel from committing these sins, the Lord proceeds to name them and to prescribe penalties for their commission. I am going to name a few of them. First is incest. I am not enlarging on it. In the law incest included more than we now ascribe to it. It included marriage between people within prohibited relationships. The penalty for incest was death to both parties. Fornication-sometimes adultery and fornication are used interchangeably. But for most kinds of fornication, the penalty was death. For adultery, it was death for both parties. For homosexuality, it was death to the male and the prescription or penalty for the female I do not know (Apostle J. Reuben Clark, Jr., Conference Address, April 8, 1957).

How like the mistletoe is immorality. The killer plant starts with a sticky sweet berry. Little indiscretions are the berries — indiscretions like sex thoughts, sex discussions, passionate kissing, pornography. The leaves and little twigs are masturbation and necking and such, growing with every exercise. The full-grown plant is petting and sex looseness. It confounds, frustrates, and destroys like the parasite if it is not cut out and destroyed, for, in time it robs the tree, bleeds its life, and leaves it barren and dry; and, strangely enough, the parasite dies with its host (Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, General Conference Address, April 1, 1967).

Unedited First Vision account could imply masturbation (Willard Richards removed the all caps section):

I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God TO THE GRATIFICATION OF MANY APPETITES (Times and Seasons, v. 3, pp. 748-749)

The next verse, verse 29, was added later after Smith’s death, which says he was merely guilty of “levity.”

Bonus thought: “His [Tissou’s] association of masturbation with weakness and an almost endless list of symptoms were particularly frightening to his readers and he initiated in that era a popular new belief that came to be known as “masturbatory insanity.”

“Masturbatory Insanity” is a great name for a band.

In the 1980s, LDS Psychiatrist Cantril Nielsen found himself caught between his conflicting religious and professional oaths. Nielsen paid a sizable wrongful death malpractice settlement in the masturbation-shame suicide of 16-year-old Kip Eliason. The lawsuit alleged that Nielsen violated professional standards of psychiatric care by prescribing that his patient should follow his Mormon bishop’s advice to abstain from masturbation in order to be “worthy,” rather than basing treatment on empirical medical evidence required by medical ethics. Medical experts in the case verified the empirical evidence that masturbation is not only harmless, but that masturbation abstinence has a documented history of suicidal risk (Eliason, 1983; Steckel, 1917/1953).

When masturbation was declared to be a normal behavior by the American Medical Association in 1972, the Boy Scout Handbook was updated to reflect current health information. The new edition stated:

Many young men like to masturbate…. People used to think this caused weakness, insanity, and other physical and mental problems. Doctors today agree that it doesn’t cause any of these and is really a part of growing up sexually (Boy Scouts of America, 1972a: 334).

This edition met with disapproval from Mormon and Catholic authorities, who are major sponsors of the Boy Scouts. The moral views of popular church culture were now at odds with modern medical science. Church influence on Boy Scout officials resulted in 25,000 copies being destroyed. A new revised printing removed the medical facts about masturbation health that were in conflict with church leader’s opinions (Rowan, 2000). This revision advised:

You may have questions about sexual matters such as nocturnal emissions (also called “wet dreams”) masturbation and even those strange feelings that you may have. Talk them over with your parents and/or spiritual advisor or doctor” (Boy Scouts of America, 1972b, p. 334.).

Yes, my scout master would have totally been the person to talk to about masturbation. ::eye roll::

Posted in Current issues, Timelines | 11 Comments

Mahanna’s Economics: She was worth 12-13k.

According to this report, dairy cattle come in at about $1,600 USD per head.

An 8 cow wife would be $12,800. Granted, this was cash up front, but that’s still a reasonable cost.

My wife’s wedding ring certainly puts her into the “cow” comparison chart, for example.

Posted in Humor and wit | Leave a comment

Why did Joseph and Brigham talk about Quakers on the moon?

It turns out there was a report in a newspaper that ran before any LDS quotes.  They were weighing in on this issue of the day… and taken in by the hoax:

The Great Moon Hoax

Brigham Young’s discourse on people living on the moon and the stars

Ironically, this was used to show that the LDS people were more learned than those around them.

Journal of Discourses 13:271-272, Brigham Young, July 24, 1870:

We are called ignorant; so we are: but what of it? Are not all ignorant? I rather think so. Who can tell us of the inhabitants of this little planet that shines of an evening, called the moon? When we view its face we may see what is termed “the man in the moon,” and what some philosophers declare are the shadows of mountains. But these sayings are very vague, and amount to nothing; and when you inquire about the inhabitants of that sphere you find that the most learned are as ignorant in regard to them as the most ignorant of their fellows. So it is with regard to the inhabitants of the sun. Do you think it is inhabited? I rather think it is. Do you think there is any life there? No question of it; it was not made in vain. It was made to give light to those who dwell upon it, and to other planets; and so will this earth when it is celestialized.

Joseph and Quakers

According to Oliver B. Huntington (Journal of Oliver B. Huntington, Vol. 3, p. 166; as recorded at the Utah State Historical Society), Joseph Smith taught that:

The inhabitants of the moon are more of a uniform size than the inhabitants of the earth, being about 6 feet in height.

They dress very much like the Quaker style and are quite general in style, or fashion of dress.

They live to be very old; coming generally, near a thousand years.

This is the description of them as given by Joseph the seer, and he could “See” whatever he asked the father in the name of Jesus to see.

In The Young Woman’s Journal (published by the Young Ladies’ Mutual Improvement Associations of Zion 1892, vol. 3, pp. 263-64), it reads:

Nearly all the great discoveries of men in the last half century have, in one way or another, either directly or indirectly, contributed to prove Joseph Smith to be a Prophet.

As far back as 1837, I know that he said the moon was inhabited by men and women the same as this earth, and that they lived to a greater age than we do — that they live generally to near the age of 1000 years.

He described the men as averaging near six feet in height, and dressing quite uniformly in something near the Quaker style.

In my Patriarchal blessing, given by the father of Joseph the Prophet, in Kirtland, 1837, I was told that I should preach the gospel before I was 21 years of age; that I should preach the gospel to the inhabitants upon the islands of the sea, and to the inhabitants of the moon, even the planet you can now behold with your eyes.

Scroll down to “Our Sunday Chapter” to read the entire account.

Posted in Early Church History (1800s), Humor and wit | Leave a comment

LDS Church in New Zealand spends ≈ 50% of tithing on salaries

Link to tax returns here[1].

Comparing the overall donations to salaries, I get the following:

2009 – 111.74% (Church run school being funded, school is shut down)

2010 – 52.81%

2011 – 50.71%

2012 – 41.06%

The slowly declining ratio is NOT due to them being more conservative, but rather that the members are giving more tithing over time.

In 2011, there were 104,115 members[2], which means that donations were roughly only $303.70 per member per year. That’s not exactly 10%… or they don’t make much money in New Zealand.

But let’s go based on wards to calculate active members. 207 wards x 150 individuals per ward would mean the average donation is $1,018.32 per member–meaning that they are either poor as dirt, or very few people are paying tithing.

Anyway, the actual tax reports are linked above. Have fun with some of your own calculations.

Posted in Church Finances | 1 Comment