A modest proposal that the apologists are right

It seems, after hours and years of intensive study that the church is, in fact, true. Not just any church either, but in fact the church that the apologists have taught about. All this time their science was far superior and lines up perfectly with the faith, as well as historical fact.

So, for example, it is true that the Nephites and Lamanites were in a very limited area of Central America. Further they really did use tapirs as horses.

Also, they were only a small segment of population despite the early saint claims that, in fact, they were the Indians over in Missouri as well as in and around the burial mounds of New York. They were simply one of many people already there.

Also, the people did not use gold in transactions or measurements as originally thought, but cocoa beans,with gold weights.

Now, many members and exmormons alike have been fooled by the seemingly grandiose claims that caused them to expect to find: Christian churches and synagogues after Christ was on the North American continent, Christ’s name (Along with the virgin Mary) as early as 600 B.C. due to Nephi’s vision, evidence of Jewish passover rites, etc. from “the sea west to the sea east” or covering a very large area of land indeed.

Members should simply ratchet down their expectations to only finding some of these evidences. It’s clear now that the prophets and apostles in the Book of Mormon were given to a bit of exaggeration. I mean, they did use a word for “tapir” that brought it to the stature of a horse. They used words like “all the land,” “all the people,” and “every man” when they were CLEARLY talking about only a small subsection of people.

Accordingly, members should also adjust their beliefs about the after life. I mean, it is the same prophets and apostles given to the same exaggeration tendencies.

Hence, when you hear that all mankind would perish without the atonement, they really just mean a few people in eastern China. When you hear that the atonement is “eternal,” don’t forget that eternal is not a length of time, but rather, the name of god.

And when they say that only mormons will be in heaven, they really mean they will be a small subset of the indigenous people already there, such a small percentage that, even in heaven, their DNA mixing wouldn’t even register in multiple samples.

So you see, the apologist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is TRUE. That is the way history was, and the way Heaven will be, but don’t let it worry you because it’s all so small it doesn’t even register when you try and measure it.

Don’t let it bother you that their evidence for history destroyed your faith… that evidence destroys faith is an over exaggeration as well. It just muffles it a bit for 2.1415963 seconds.

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Last edited by EmmaHS on January 31, 2013 at 6:37 am

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